A personal exposition

lightlight Posts: 270Member
I had a slightly more pretentious title in mind but this is good so here we go.

These forums have always seen from me a level of honesty and realness I couldn't get for various reasons in everyday life. However my bipolar disorder is something under the surface I haven't been open about, and I figure some people paying attention might have guessed it. I've arranged things such that I seldom speak in spaces about this disease in conjunction with my sexuality, but I feel it's time to be open about what's really going on.

When I have acted strangely in the past, this explains most cases. I think my actions rooted in this issue haven't generally been destructive to other people, so I'm not exactly apologizing. I'm vulnerable to humiliation. However, I do my best though to curb my symptoms or at least channel the energy into an appropriate outlet, and sometimes they just get the better of me. So I'm free of guilt and shame.

My bipolar is more stigmatized than my homosexuality today. But it's so much worse being both, especially when I care so much about being a positive example of a subculture defined by base instinct and with a lot of bad historical cultural baggage. I know what minority stress is, but but other people don't. And now my symptoms are flaring up again and I have to worry about my disease progressing and cycles speeding up...

So this is kind of my test case to see if I should maybe start to open up about this in other spaces. I love you guys.
Darklurker!
Ana - Davey Wreden - Niles - Catwoman - Thwomp - Zazu

Comments

  • Brother_NerdBrother_Nerd Posts: 37Member
    edited March 22
    Wow I feel terrible taking so long to read this.

    light, we all need healthy outlits to express ourselves. I, for one, have high-functioning depression. No manic side, and I won't claim that I understand manic, but the lows can get pretty low, and I understand it's hard to fight back out.

    To a lesser extent, I understand trying to be a good example of a group with a bad rap. Being a Roman Catholic nerd, I look to one side, and see my friends, hurt by hypocritcal, angry, radicalized Christians, and I want to reach out, to remind them that they've done nothing truly wrong, but find myself hesitating when I get too close, knowing that they rightfully hate a group I'm technically a part of, willingly.

    On the other side, there are those like myself, religious moderates who are trying to educate and calm down our kin, kin that we so desperately try to love, but find downright exhausting. It's been better as a Catholic more recently with Pope Francis, but the old problems are still there.

    I want to be both, it simply feels right to me, like I was meant to be. But I always feel that pressure, remember that sweeping comment about "all Christians," and then the anxiety and depression start to creep in. The doubt, the lack of direction, the lack of identifiable, definitive accomplishments that I can point to. I think I've made a difference, but have I really?


    In short, if you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to ask. The whole world deserves better, but it will never happen if we choose to hide instead. If you ever need an ear, I will do whatever I can to be there.

    Edit: spelling
    Post edited by Brother_Nerd on
  • vlademir1vlademir1 Posts: 401Member
    I'm going to agree a lot with @Brother_Nerd here, not least by first feeling bad about taking quite a while to respond to this and by mentioning that should you need to talk, @light, feel free to drop a line. 
    I had a lot of other stuff I was going to say here (largely personal examples relating to the "I know what minority stress is, but but other people don't." bit of your post) and after a couple days of sitting on it decided this isn't the time and place for what could be construed as minority one-upmanship when the ultimate intent is to just say "You aren't alone, most of us have at least some basis to understand some of the difficulties you've likely gone through." 
    I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. Look upon my works and despair!

    Truth is never lying right there on the surface for everyone to quickly find, it requires dedication, the right tools and time.
  • NotPlatoNotPlato Posts: 397Member
    <3
    Welcome to The Tangent Hour. I, NotPlato, will be your host tonight.
    I am become moar educated. This isn't even muh final for(u)m.
    In the winding gravel road of literary theory, it is impossible to leave 'no stone unturned'.
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